tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
