Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
