You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize