I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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