Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
