dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm too high and old for this...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
