i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
