I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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