Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
