K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
