She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
