no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
