You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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