Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
