I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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