you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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