my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
accomplished twins. life is a go
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
