In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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