I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
