i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
