On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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