I hate your face
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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