How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
