Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
