I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
