ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
