nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
