oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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