I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
