playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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