That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
