I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
