She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
