So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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