It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
