can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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