I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
