3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
