just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize