This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
