i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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