I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize