what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
