Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
