Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
