She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
