i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
