I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
