dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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