I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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