did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
