just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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