I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
