you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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