Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
