Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
