well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
