This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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