I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize