Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
