The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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