I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
