I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
