whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
