my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
