I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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